Author's note: I don't know where my inspiration came from for this piece. I wrote it while at Disney on ice:) There is an interesting ending that reveals her life and ever since she has been young...
“Let me out! Let me out!” Jenia screeched on the peak of her
lungs, her voice shaking vibrato on the violin in a terrifying and ugly way.
Her voice so ear piercing, made your ears want to bleed. It gave off a stinging
feeling in your ears building up the tension within them- both the feeling to
your ears and her throat.
“Get me out of here!” her voice rising up into a whole other
octave. Her arms broke in between the bars of the cell but herself still
contained inside. Her fingers becoming as raw as meat, her flesh beginning to
burn from hitting and scraping them against the bars. The gray, metal, crumby
bars that gave Jenia the feeling of disgust. Her figure was so thin, almost
being able to slip through them, but not quite and never reaching that point. So
thin already, if she got any skinnier, death would start to creep upon her. So
hungry. Wanting to throw up, but nothing to even digest. Making every possible
loud noise she could, he hopes had been downgraded almost to nothing. Jenia’s
bones had begun to get frail, her voice as weak as jell-o. She gave up.
“Hey!” a man’s voice sounded from around the way, screaming.
“What did I tell you!? I don’t wanna hear one lil’ peep outta that ugly small
mouth of yours! You hurt? You hungry? Good. Now shut up!!! Ain’t nobody gonna
hear you down here. Stop movin’ that darn cage around. Don’t know how you
manage to.”
Jenia got furious, her voice sounding again. “Because of
you, I’m gonna die. There is no point in living on. None. You have gotten me to
scrape my hands against the bars to the point of serious infection! I have
gotten past the point of anorexia!”
She could feel tears coming on, only none forming due to dehydration. “I tried
to get away… I tried.” She started to scan over her body, looking at all the
scars he has left her. One glance at her skin, anyone could tell that she had
been abused and destroyed on the inside. Scanning her skin, nightmares scanned
through her thoughts. Abuse, being scarred for life, nasty images and
experiences flashing through her mind.
“Why couldn’t you just let me go?” Her voice was getting
higher as she was sobbing harshly. Jenia was finally close enough to grab the
gun on the floor near the cage. “Stop it,” he said to her with a disgust and
displeasure in his voice. “Why should I?” Just so you can have someone to
torture? Well find some other teenage
girl. I have been always dreaming of a normal life. All I wanted was a normal
life!” Her fingers were clenching tighter and tighter around the trigger. “A
normal life… All I wanted was a dad who loves me…”
She instantly collapsed to the ground. Her arm extended over
her chest and out to the left, the trigger-pulled gun in her grip.
I loved how you used descriptive word choice in this piece to sort of paint a picture in the readers mind. I also really liked how you added her thoughts and emotions in the piece. the ending was sad but, well thought out. You did a good job telling the reader that she died through her actions and how she looked apposed to saying she died. Overall I think this was a very well written piece.
ReplyDeleteVery detailed description of her appearance, her fear, and the location. You provided the reader with a vivid image of this young girl in a destitute situation. The beginning of the story really pulled the reader in immediately and the end of the story left the reader feeling empty, sad, and wondering. I almost considered she may have shot her dad instead of herself which can be left for the reader to decipher. Pretty dark and tragic theme. Nice work...especially considering your location when you wrote it :)
ReplyDelete-MOM